BEING A BANANA

Am I a banana?

I'm a banana.

No.

I'm not a banana. Not true.

I'm pretending to be a banana because this is supposed to be a fiction blog.

So...

I'm a banana.

OK?

Ifya just let me be a banana for now that'll be gudd.

:)

I don't like to be eaten.

When people take a bite out of me it hurts like the dickens.

Ouch!

They've tried,

but I won't let 'em.

Even pretty ones like this one.

If they manage to eat me up then I'm

all gone.

Dead.

As a

doornail.

ONO!

People like that woman above like gobbling me up.

They just like to eat me.

They don't care. They just think I taste good.

The only reason I was created was to be eaten.

I was raised on a banana farm.

I didn't come from a forest or something.

Yaknow?

I think Chiquita owned the tree I was attached to--

my foster 'parent.'

What a life that was.

Just hanging around waiting to be picked,

stuffed into a box and crammed in with a bunch of other bananas,

sent to a store,

hurled around a loading dock

then shoved onto a shelf in a warehouse to eventually wind up

on a shelf

at Stop and Shop.

OMG!

Then finally sitting on a kitchen table watching other animals and fruit

getting cooked and eaten, while I await my brutal fate.

To be eaten by a beautiful maiden.

Uh oh!

Am I in trouble!

Phew!

What can I do?!

If that gal doesn't eat me then this guy with the red nose will try!

Everyone loves bananas!

We're mello

and we're

yello.

Donovan

wrote a great song called Mellow Yellow about bananas.

Here is the link:

I'm slippin' into non-fiction a bit.

But that's ok.

Donovan's song is real, not fiction.

But they didn't really call him Mellow Yellow I don't think until

he wrote the song.

Great song.

I'm still not sure to this day if the rumors are true that

there is some way to get high by smoking

banana peels some way somehow.

Not sure on that.

Here's more banana non-fiction.

Harry Chapin wrote a great banana song, too.

The first one ya listened to at the top of the page was

30,000 Pounds Of Bananas.

It's about a banana delivery truck that crashes, resulting in 30,000 lbs of

M A S H E D    B A N A N A S

! ! ! ! !

ONO

!

At Stop and Shop people even buy bananas to feed their pets.

Darned banana-eating Parrot!

ONO!

Help!

Sometimes I wish I wasn't even a banana.

Awwww.

What if he had to watch me eat HIS brother?

These are a ton of bananas.

Well, probably more.

They're all my brothers and sisters.

I love all those guys.

Aren't they cute.

And...

Verrrrrrrrry

Yello!

:)

I'm writing this story inspired by my facebook friend

Patty,

btw.

She luvs

bananas

and uses a facebook app

called "Food Fight"

and throws

facebook food at me all the time.

<3

Patty's cool and luvs

Thundersnowstorms.

Me 2!

:-D

I'm a banana

and sure am

PROUD OF IT!

So, please don't eat me or anymore bananas

if ya luv us.

OK?

Whatever ya do, please don't use me as a gun.

I'm a pacifist!

:)

I'm a vegan.

I don't like hurtin' anyone or anything.

So

please,

please

be peaceful.

Peace is the answer.

Not WAR!

Not eating animals.

Not abusing 'em by using 'em as lab experiments

so your bubble gum tastes better.

Or wearing their skin just because you like the way it looks.

OK?

Ifya do that, then go ahead and eat some bananas.

Not me tho?

OK?

Please?

You can use me as a phone ifya want.

This cute girl is welcome to buy me at Stop and Shop and use me as a phone.

That'd be a great way to be.

BEING A BANANA

could be gudd,

or it

could be

badd.

One more link to music, this ones by a group called the Monkees.

They were popular when I grew up.

Monkeys are supposed to eat bananas.

That's ok by me.

This one's called "Hey Hey We're The Monkees."

Sorry real music fans:

That's a fictional picture of the baby Jesus.

Isn't he cute?

Isn't Mother Mary cute too?

Doesn't Joseph look proud?

Cool pic, huh?

Jesus gave us the Earth and dominion over the whole

kit and caboodle,

animals included.

Oceans, land, atmosphere, plants, people and critters.

It says so in the book of Genesis.

That's where it all begins.

:)

The humble Christ was born in a critters' manger

cuz the hotel owner wouldn't even put them up inside

though Mary was 9 months pregnant.

Tough situation.

The wise men were shepherds who abandoned their flocks

'o

sheep to go visit the newly born savior.

:)

Christ is symbolically referred to as a shepherd and we Christians

as his flock.

I love sheep.

I luv petting 'em.

Ever pet one?

It's cool!

Let's treat animals gudd.

Let's treat the atmosphere gudd.

Let's treat the plants gudd.

Let's treat the land gudd.

Let's treat people gudd.

Peace at any cost.

Peace in Egypt and in the world, please.

Look at my blogs on MomCat's Vegan Project, a series at a not-so

fictional blog 'o mine, it's a series of articles:

http://unabashedleft.blogspot.com/2010/11/blog-post.html

And don't forget to donate today to:

la-spca.org

:)

Vidya Balan

MOMCAT'S VEGAN PROJECT: Edible Animals: The How's and Why's Of My Decision To Go Vegan-Lifestyle

Check Out This Awesome Page: http://www.rainbowsbridge.com/

***Donate today to http://www.la-spca.org/***

Bluebelle the Wonder Cat in an Edible Arrangements Box

Given to Us by my Mom and Dad-in-law Thanksgiving 2010

A few months ago Momcat went missing.  We've been the foster parents of formerly feral Momcat and Meow for over a year now.  We agreed to care for these beautiful felines when a dear friend needed us too. This person is awesome with animals, and has a knack for training wild animals and creating friendly pets out of them. As a child I would watch in awe as this outdoorsman would capture a muskrat, lets say, and have it in his lap being petted like a domesticated guinea pig within days.

                                                                            Momcat

As a child we always had animals, as pets primarily.  We had Trixie, my first recollected pet in life. Trixie was a standard poodle-springer spaniel rescue dog my parents heroically rescued. She was great with us kids growing up. Trixie understood the danger of cars and used to walk around our property unchained and unfenced-in without any concerns by us or our neighbors. She loved to play outdoors, running with us and indoors she loved being petted and rolling around with me on the carpet.

                                         Meow the formerly feral Cat

We also had great canines in Iggie and Gout. Iggie was a comical-looking, but cute as all get-go beagle mix who was a clown and loved attention. One time, I was all hippied and depressed-out in High School, and a carload of beered-up irrelevant football players from a crosstown High School parked near the beach at dusk where I was walking Iggie. They had baseball bats and were looking to 'rumble' with one lone semi-depressed high school hippie. Iggie chased them back into their car, and they rode down the street and beat up another guy and put him into the ER. 

           Our current hero and former pound pup 14 year old Augie 

Gout was a jumper. He was maybe 30, 35 lbs and could jump so high when you came to the door, you'd see his head and face bobbing up through the window of the front door as he jumped to catch a glimpse of who was coming in. He was the tug-of-war King of all time.  He loved socks with tennis balls in 'em and wouldn't let go no matter what. You could lift Gout clean off the ground and he'd cling to that toy. He luvved playing tug-of-war and jumping!

We had guinea pigs--I wound up having 2 rosette abyssinians; one growing up and one while living in Boston during grad school. Hamsters. Box turtles[Sam and Sam II], green turtles, an iguana, the Rabbits--Bonnie and Clyde, white mice, white rats, squirrels that would come into the kitchen for peanuts and more. We'd trap backyard birds, marvel at 'em and then release them. Boys! Yaknow!

So we had been foster-caring for Meow and Momcat, strays from the urban streets of West Haven, CT for 3 months or so. And suddenly at midnight Momcat was nowhere to be found. When Momcat came to stay, she still was very wild in her fears of humans in many ways. It took weeks to develop a relationship with her that allowed me to even touch her. Then feed her. Then get her to not run when I came down the stairs. One day and one hour and one minute at a time Momcat taught me the ways I needed to behave in order for her to develop trust in me. What a great life lesson. The first time she let me touch her head I was honored, indeed.

That day, I touched her head and she allowed me to scratch her neck and she rubbed and purred. :)  Oh my. Tears. Yaknow this Unabashed Leftist is a bit overemotional at times. Joy.  The first time she came out of hiding when I was down in the basement was an equal honor.  Same as the first time she came to watch as I fed her.  The first time she jumped up onto the furniture I was sitting on with me was a day for great celebration, indeed!  What a distinct honor to have as fine a soul as Momcat, the mother of my own raised-from-a-kitten pet Bluebelle the Wonder Cat, invite me into her life as one of two trusted servants and friends. Wow. Momcat.

So, I'm in the basement and she's nowhere to be seen.  Looking for hours in every nook and cranny. Finally give up. The Momcat rescue operation is over.  The Momcat recovery operation is over. Meow is alone, and seeking my attention all night during the wee hours as I search. Meow, though a paternity test has not been done, is the father of Bluebelle and Momcat's loyal mate from the streets of West Haven. Momcat's done for.

I hear a faint meow. Then another. And more. I track the sound to a cranny I'd never imagined existed. As high as the basement ceiling, this particular cranny was. I climbed a ladder and peered in. MOMCAT'S THERE!! YIPPEEE! She's huddled in the corner looking scared. I got bowls and trays. I gave her milk, tuna, dry cat food, wet cat food, cat treats, water and more right there in her cranny to make her comfortable. I stayed on the ladder and reached in and petted her. I thought back and remembered she hadn't had her normal bowel movement routine lately, and hadn't had much appetite. She was constipated and scared. 

She stayed in the cranny for a day or so, and came down. She pooped! Yippee. She was better. I was better. Spiritual awakening and spiritual experience for both of us. A transforming event in my life. Momcat's alive! Miracle. Praise the Lord, once again in my life. I told Momcat I loved her. I use the "L" word, the "G" - God word, and the "J" - Jesus word, alot more since then. :)  Jesus is God and I Love him and You. :) +

Tony "Wayward" Hayward sponsors a big oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico a couple of months later.  We all sweat out whether millions of animals will get soaked in oil and wash up dead. We see the pics of tortured animals because of corporate greed. 11 dead platform workers: HOW EXACTLY DO YOU MAKE 11 DEAD FATHERS, BROTHERS, SONS, HUSBANDS AND PARTNERS "RIGHT" BRITISH PETROLEUM???" Ditch the ridiculous and insulting PR slogan and ad campaign pleeeeze!

I see a CNN report in the middle of the spill crisis, one ridiculous attempt to seal the spill after another, that cats and dogs in shelters are overpopulating shelters and being put to sleep because people in Louisianna, poor Katrina-ridden New Orleans[but at least the Saints had won the Super Bowl in January-:)] and LA, had to make the decision to give up their pet family members because they couldn't feed or medicate their human children. OMG!

The report shows the awesome work being done by http://www.la-spca.org/ on the Gulf coast to reach out to families, provide shelter, medicine, veterinary care, food and more to cats and dogs.  I wound up coming online for the sole purpose of trying to help raise money for them and to save dogs and cats. This blog website is a consequence of all that! Tony "Wayward" Hayward gets himself demoted and hides in Putin's Russia to avoid testifying and extradition, where he is right now.

     My Black Leather Baseball Cap With The 'Scratch 'n' Sniff Stickers'(retired)

I got involved in the local Democratic campaigns of 2010 as a consequence. I had been wearing a black leather baseball cap as more-or-less a trademark of mine. I started going to a great chiropractic practice here locally where I provided them with stickers for the kids. They bought scratch-and-sniff stickers at my request. :D  It's always a "Great Day at the Tobin Center" according to Dr. Dawn Tobin's chiropractic assistant Anna Gagliardi and I blogged about it. Anna would award me a scratch-'n-sniff sticker each time I was a "good" patient. Sometimes I wasn't "good" in my opinion, and I was awarded a sticker anyway. They say things like Wow, Spectacular, Wonderful and what-not on them. I started to feel wonderful and spectacular because of the Chiropractic care and because of Anna saying I was wonderful and spectacular when awarding me stickers three times a week usually. :) TY Anna. TY Dr. Dawn.

I've been very sick this year, and have documented it elsewhere on this website(see 'The Nuclear Purple Pill,' for example). My Mom-in-law had pneumonia and congestive heart failure and has since made a full recovery. I had pneumonia, 200/100 blood pressure and a 102 temp one day. I had Iodine Radiation for Graves Disease. I have lost 20 pounds in the last month. I have had chest X-rays, blood tests and have a colonoscopy ordered. I can't do yard work, or work standing up. So I'm trying to make a living writing and doing sit-down kinds of work instead.

I kid Anna alot. But wearing a black leather baseball cap and eating vegetarian animals just didn't seem right anymore. Hypocritical even. My Lord and Savior called the members of the Sanhedrin 'hypocrites.' I do not want to be in THAT category, Mr. Hayward. So I won't eat any animals. At all-- carnivores, omnivores nor vegetarians or vegans themselves. I'll do so publicly and try to educate myself and the public about the health benefits, about my own health matters, diet and exercise. I was dieting and exercising until about a year ago and stopped. Got sick this year. Correlation? Cause and effect? I'll be writing about all that. 

We'll call this series the 'MOMCAT'S VEGAN PROJECT.'  This is actually the second installment, I will retitle the first after I post this one. Thanksgiving weekend just passed. I promise not to gobble a gobbler next Thanksgiving and to give thanks for having alternatives in this life. And pleeeeze, donate today and every day as much as you can and as often as you can to http://www.la-spca.org/    

Good Health Toya, Sideways Moon Toya and Peace, Pleeze.....   Steve Alexander  In Jesus' precious name I pray, AMEN!

http://www.la-spca.org/

Originally Published November 2010

Sleepy Bunny Coloring Pages

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Sociological Stuff: Bully, Bully, Bully!

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Don't Forget Your Second Wind Is Billy Joel's Suggestion

It's not always easy to live in this world of pain but don't forget it, you'll get your second wind! Please hang in there.

You ARE worth it, I know, been there, done that.

You probably don't want to hear advice from someone else.

I would't tellaya if it hadn't happened to me.

Sooner or later you'll feel that momentum kick in.

<3

:)

Thank you Ellen Degeneres. Thank you CNN daytime.  Even thank you AC 360.  Thank you to anyone who is aiding in placing the focus on bullying among kids and young adults especially.  I was bullied mercilessly as a child as an adolescent and am still recovering from the scars.  I was not referred to as Steve in junior high school. 

Not that it's relevant, but I am neither homosexual, nor bisexual.  I was, perhaps, behaving in a less testosterone- ridden way than most boys my age in the society and culture of the day in 1960's suburban America 
--maybe somewhat effeminate might even be an apt description, but I'm hardly subjective enough to offer an accurate appraisal. 

My nickname chosen for me by virtually all my fellow pupils was "Fem."  It was my misfortune that the brand new over-the-counter pharmaceutical "Femiron" and the consequent Madison Avenue ad campaign had hit the airwaves simultaneous with my arrival in 7th grade.
I entered Kindergarten at the early age of 4, due to accident of birth and grew up consistently the smallest and weakest, physically in my class.  As Janis Ian sang so poignantly all those years ago in that awesome tune of the day, "At 17", I was always last when "choosing sides for basketball."  Even after the last girl was chosen.  Tough situation for a little boy.  I couldn't hit a ball for beans, couldn't jump, run, or kick well at all.  Gym teachers despised me, and I them.  Different time.  Even the President's Council On Physical Fitness' emphasis on athletics injured me, the way it was presented.  I hated jocks as a kid, for example, grew my hair long and reacted badly in many ways.

I never took up arms like the kids at Columbine, though.  Never committed suicide, though thoughts were entertained, obsessively, at times.  Not even close to that now.  If any kids read this, please know that it ends.  My life today is so full and so rich, and I have so many friends, such a wonderful wife and family, such a great home, such a great dog, and such great cats, and so many opportunities in my life today that I wouldn't trade my life for any one's on earth.  Just hang on, please, you'll make it.  The cliche goes:  "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary situation."  Catch phrases like that used to enrage me, but its so true. 

Your Unabashed Author, Happy Steve Alexander

Happy After A Bit Of A Bout Of Unhappiness Really!

Hang In Pleeeeeze!

All My Friends Will Tellya I'm Actually Kind Of A Jokester Today,

Ifya Can Imagine That After Being A Junior High School Bully Victim!

loloLOLOLOL

ShehehehahahahHAHAHA!

:-D

You Can Do It!

Billy Joel's corny but awesome tune, "Second Wind" is appropriate.  If you can hang on, just for today, believe you me, that old second wind will indeed come along and you will fly and celebrate indeed!  Please don't do it. Talk, instead--you can find someone who will.  The whole journey is worth it in spades, and I have no regrets, not even of being bullied.  Absolutely not!

Janis Ian's Awesome Tune "At Seventeen"

With Lyrics...

This one helped keep me going day by day back then.

I knew I wasn't alone.

Others "knew the pain of Valentines that never came" and

"whose name's were last when choosing sides for basketball."

You're not alone either.

I luvya so do others. They just maybe don't know what to say.

It's hard. I know. But you can do it!

You ARE absolutely worth it! And life will be beautiful soon. Even though

today may seem like forever. It endz. It does. I know.

I was called names, bullied and abused by classmates. Then it was over.

Now I have friends, family, pets, a great home, a successful and

happy life. And I get to try helping others every day.

That's the best part.
I promise!

<3

So my nicknames included three primary ones that began with an "f".  "Fem," as I've mentioned.  "Fairy."  And the other "F" word hurled at homosexuals by homophobics who imagine they just might have some sexual ideas of their own others might not find acceptable so they hurl them at those they perceive as vulnerable.  HOMOPHOBIA IS HORRIBLE AND NEEDS TO END!  And I didn't even have any such tendencies, I can only imagine the nightmare for kids who are in a homophobic environment.  What a nightmare.

If you're a kid and see another kid being abused by your peers, don't be afraid to talk to the bullying victim in a constructive and loving way.  If you care enough to be concerned you have the skills to say and ask the right things.  He/she most likely wants to talk.  If they don't let it pass. 

Don't be afraid to talk to your friends who taunt victims, it's OK and they will not reject you for doing so.  If you're a teacher or counselor or janitor or in any way an education professional, don't be afraid to address the issue head-on/  stick your neck out, you'll save a beautiful child's life and make it worth while.  Same applies to Boy/Girl Scout leaders, 4-H adults, any child mentors at all.  But whatever you do, don't ignore the problem as if it isn't there. 

If you are a parent, a guardian, a brother, a sister, a cousin or whatever and see a kid alone, lonely, not bringing friends home or you suspect they have no friends, talk to them about it tenderly.  If they don't want to talk, make the offer.  They will take you up on it another time, I guarantee it.  And you'll both be so full of joy it's almost unimaginable.

Being bullied was my deepest, darkest secret when it was happening.  I was ashamed by it, even though I was the victim.  Have no shame.  If you love kids, talk to them, they love it!

Talking heads, shrinks, counselors and such debate whether there's more bullying today than yesterday.  Doesn't matter.  One suicide is too many.  One sad life is too many.  I saw a piece this morning on CNN about a Jiu Jitzu instructor on the left coast who teaches kids self-defense, but physical is a last resort and what he teaches is 100% defensive, not offensive.  He talks a lot about making and holding eye contact, saying thank you, please and no thank you.  Respect.  Respect.  Yes respect.  Great stuff.

I created my own solution to my problem in 8th grade that was maladaptive to say the least.  To counteract the "Fem" label I started a campaign for acceptance that included smoking cigarettes, drinking and doing one B & E.  Fortunately I did not follow a path of felonious conduct my whole life and backed off.  Many don't. 

If we can nip bullying in the bud, before it blossoms into the black rose that it is, then maybe the Gadafi, Mubarek, Mullah Omar, Bin Laden, Hitler, Stalin problems can be avoided. If we can evolve in this direction and alter our kids' views of each other and their world towards an Unconditionally Loving perspective, then maybe military uniforms will be museum pieces to marvel at in my lifetime. I'd like that a whole lot! I never give up hope. And I never stop praying.

If the adults and kids in my life at that time had the courage to talk to me, I would have gladly opened up.  I understand schools today have armed guards and metal detectors.  Unabashed Left does not like that.  End bullying, and they may no longer be necessary.  Thanks to you and thanks for the Memori.  And please don't do it, talk instead.  I love you. <3 <3 <3

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MY GUN STORY NUMBER TWO

OK. Here's a song forya to listen to while you're readin' my story.

Just click on the picture of Arlo and listen and read! Easy! 

The song is a hymn, a famous one written by a slave ship captain who changed his mind about selling folks.

This version is sung by Arlo Guthrie, a cool guy whose Daddy was a singer/songwriter, too, Woody Guthrie

and Woody's and Arlo's friend Pete Seeger is also on this song. :)

Hi everbody! :) It’s me, Lisa again!!! How are you? My uncle Unabashed sez my articles are already the most popular on hiz page except the one he wrote about John Lennon. He sez that’s perty impressive, since whenever a celeberty is involved in the name, he sees a spike in readership. I aksed Uncle Unabashed if that means I’m a celeberty, and he said, just wait Lisa. I’ll give you about 2 weeks, and you’ll be a celeberty, m’dear! And then he did this: ;-) *winked*


I wrote a story called My Gun Story. Uncle Unabashed sez it’s now hiz second most poplar article, and I said you’re welcome! Teehehehehe! Shehehehe! Ha-ha, Uncle Un! :-D Gotcha! Ennyway, I told Uncle Un I’d write him another gun story. The first one was about the time I talked to Reverend Sara about gunz and war and stuff. This one’ll be about talking to Reverend Sara again. Two weeks ago, or so, I talked to Congersman Bunk. You’ll hafta look up that story ifya want to know what I’m talking about in this one! Shehehe. Here goes:

                         Girls and gunz, boyz and gunz, ennyone and gunz? Yuck!!!
Me: Hi Reverend Sara. I wanna talk again! Can I??

Reverend Sara: Certainly Lisa, I love talking with you. I don’t have any meetings for at least 15 minutes, so my time is all yours. What do you want to talk about?


Me: I’m mad!!!


Reverend Sara: Mad? Why are you angry?


Me: I’m mad about gunz!!!

Reverend Sara: I see. You’re still upset about guns and war?


Me: OF COURSE I’m STILL mad! That’s silly, Reverend Sara. Gunz and war aren’t my fault, but I’m stuck with ‘em. They’re more your fault than mine, cuz you’ve been around the world longer than me!!! I went to talk to Congersman Bunk, and he said I didn’t understand because I’m too young and don’t know how complicated it is to ‘keep the peace.’ I told him that sending in soldiers and bombs and stuff sure was a strange way to make peace! Yessiree, he was confused when I left! But that’s not all I’m mad about. When we talked about gunz and Hiroshima and Nagasaki, Reverend Sara, you said you were gonna start sermi, sermoni.. sermonizing about ending war and stuff. You said you’d talk about Hiroshima and Nagasaki, and how we dropped big bombs and killed hundreds of thousands of women, kidz, men, doggies, kitties and birds and squirrels and picked cities to drop ‘em on instead of army camps.

                                            Victims of Hiroshima and Nagasaki
Reverend Sara: Did you hear my sermon that Sunday? I spoke about war, and peace. I spoke of inner peace and how if we can achieve inner peace in our lives and treat one another more humanely day-to-day then the world will be a better place.


Me: You talked just like Congersman Bunk!!! You didn’t say ennything like you said to me. You said to me you don’t like handguns and want them outlawed. Ya didn’t say that in your pulpit, didja Reverend Sara?? You didn’t say ennything about how we picked innocent people without gunz to kill with nuclear bombs in Japan in your preachin’ like you said you would. And you said you’d start using Jesus’ name, and use the word Love more, and talk about Christ a whole lot more in services and when you’re just hanging around the church. You HAVE NOT Reverend Sara! Last time you said you can only tell the conger… con… congro.. the congregation what they can hear. I think you only tell the congregation what you have the courage to tell them and then keep quiet about important stuff that you, me and Jesus really believe in and that we all three of us think are really important. Silence is bad!


Reverend Sara: You are angry, aren’t you Lisa.

Me: Yes I AM! And Daddy and Mommy said it’s ok to be mad. It’s not bad to be mad, its whatcha do with it Daddy said. He said that President Aberham Linkun got mad and stopped slavery by doing the Emancerpashun Proclumashun! He said that Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. got mad and gave a big speech about “Having a Dream” and freed even more people. Jesus got mad and went to His church and told the people in charge that they were ‘hypocrites’—Mommy looked that word up for me when we read it in the Bible so I know how to spell that one real gudd-- and Jesus also gave a big sermon called the Sermon on the Mount cuz He wuz mad about some stuff. I’m saying that if you believe something a lot, and think it’s important, and you’re a Christian, and a preacher, and keep silent, then maybe Jesus’ word is sumthin’ ya might wanna think about, Reverend Sara!

Reverend Sara: Now Lisa, please be polite, or I might have to tell your parents that you are having some difficulties.


Me: I don’t like gunz and neither do you! I don’t like war and neither do you! I Love you and everbody and you say you do too! I think God is Unconditional Love and you do too! I love Jesus and think He saved me and saves me every day. I think He’s the Christ, the Messiah! I say it all the time at coffee hour, at choir, in Sunday school and with my friendz now at school and with my family at home! I say Love all the time. I tell people I love ‘em! You do NOT, Reverend Sara and you promised! That’s why Jesus used that “h” word with those reverends in the synagogue I think ifya ask me!!!


Reverend Sara: Lisa… I don’t know really what to say…

                                                   Daffy Muammar Gadafi

                             Daffy Duck and Muammar Gadafi Are Exactly Alike!

Me: I’m not done Reverend Sara! I know we’re shooting missiles and stuff in a place called Libya now. I know about that stupid guy who calls himself a Colonel and yet haz been in charge of his country for a zillion years now. Muamar Quadafi. Just like Daffy Duck ifya ask me! He’s Daffy alrighty! He’s been a pain in the neck to everybody for years especially hiz own people, right? But guess what, our government hasn’t been too good all the time either and it’s just not our job to decide who’s a good dictator and who isn’t. Like our ‘friends’ such as Hamid Karzai, Nguyen Van Thieu, Hosni Mubarak, Josef Stalin, etc. etc. etc. And we’ve fought all OUR wars except the one we fought against ourselves, the Civil War, and the Revolutionary War, on other continents! We have two oceans between us an everbody else except for Mexico and Canada and we don’t fight them! Ever since we dropped nuclear bombs on civilians and won the first nuclear war, we been pointing missiles at everybody else and calling ourselves a ‘superpower!’ Preach that on Sunday pleeeeeeze Reverend Sara! I know you agree! And look at the guyz who been doing it! Truman dropped those bombs. Eisenhower was a Genral! Kennedy got killed! Johnson started a war in Asia and couldn’t get reelected! Nixon picked Agnew and both were crooks and resigned! Jimmy Who couldn’t get reelected! Ronald Ray-Gun slept all the time, and everbody knew we were better off he did! Bill Clinton cheated on Hillary with an intern as young as his daughter! And Dubya??? And not one woman involved YET! EXCUUUSE ME!!! Let’s try puttin’ a Mommy in charge and see what happenz!

                              A Stupid Mark 6 Nuclear BOMB! OMG! Stupid Pentagon!!!
Reverend Sara: Lisa, you are a verrrry smart girl. How do you figure all this out?
Me: Itz not hard Reverend Sara. I love you. I love you soooo much I can’t say. Do you agree with what I’m saying?


Reverend Sara: Yes, I agree with everything you’re saying.

The President, Barack Obama, the coolest President of all time, and his really pretty daughters having fun!
Me: Then preach about it and do it a lot!!! Please, everyone could DIE! OMG! Please promise again, but do it this time??? I know President Obama thinks missiles and bombs by NATO and us in Libya is good and will help the average Libyan person, but maybe we should be asking about it. Even if we support the President, and I LOVE President Obama, he’s doing so much gudd it’s AMAZING!!! He passed Health Care; he made BP give us $20 billion right away for that bad oil spill; he got Congress (even Congersman Bunk voted for it) to pass $700 billion for me; he got the Nobel Peace Prize; he named Hillary Secretary of State; he picked Joe Biden; he got the Russians to agree to a START treaty then got Congress to ratify it; he even ended discriminashun against people in the military just because they like people who are their own sex! Wow. But I think bombing in Libya is wrong, and I have a right to disagree with a great President, even! I read a bumper sticker. It said: “Why do we kill people to show people that killing people is wrong?”


I know Congersman Bunk thinks I’m young and think simple. In Sunday school a little while ago, we made bracelets. They were cool! Ms. Santiago helped and it was her idea! We put little stones on the bracelets that had letters on ‘em. The letters spelled out “WWJD.” Do you know what WWJD stands for, Reverend Sara??? Do ya?


Reverend Sara: Yes I do. It means “What would Jesus do?”

                     Jesus and a girl maybe a little younger than me! He's the coolest of all!
Me: Ding, ding. Ding, ding! You win the grand prize Reverend Sara, you’re correctamundo!  So, I was thinking about Libya, and Daffy Quadafi, President Obama and our missiles. And I was thinking about how Daffy IS messing up his own people. And I thought “what if President Obama was Jesus?” WWJD? What would Jesus do? Would He send aircraft carriers, scramble the Pentagon civilians and brass, launch missiles, rally NATO countries, try to recruit a few non-NATO countries to make it seem like everybody likes our new international war, and kill people to show people that killing people is wrong? Or would He do somethin’ differ’nt. I want you to preach about that this Sunday, Reverend Sara! What do you say? What do YOU think? Do you agree?

Reverend Sara: Sara, you are the smartest little girl I’ve ever known. I agree 100% with everything you said. Including everything you said about me. I AM sooooo sorry for making those promises about preaching about guns and war more often, about talking about Love and Unconditional Love in and out of church, and about saying Jesus’ precious name and proclaiming Him as my personal Lord and Savior as the one true Christ, the Messiah all the time every day—and then just not doing it! I’m sorry, Lisa! Regardless of what my family, my friends and my congregation may think. It IS my job! Silence most DEFINITELY is NOT my job! You are so right. I love you, too Lisa. More than anyone except Jesus knows.


Me: Me 2!


Me: And Reverend Sara?


Reverend Sara: Yes, Lisa?


Me: I accept your apology. You are forgiven! Hallelujia! The Lord is Risen, indeed. Hosanna in the Highest! Amen, Reverend Sara! Will you pray sumthin’ with me Reverend Sara?


Reverend Sara: Of course sweetheart. Anything you want to pray, I trust you and your prayers.


Me, Reverend Sara and Readers Who Want To: Yippee! OK! Here goes. And if you’re readin’ you can pray along too! Ifya don’t want to that’s ok, too. No pressure. It’s my choice. You can do whatever ya want! I’ll love you no matter what! It’s your choice!

   I have oodles of Joy! And I love puppies and life. And I don't want to die. Let's end gunz and war!
                                                                                                    
“I accept Jesus into my heart at this very moment as my personal Lord and my Savior. He is the Christ, the Messiah, the Son of God, crucified, died for my sins and for my denial, and resurrected. My sins are forgiven through Him and I dedicate my life to His service. Hallelujia indeed! Hosannas galore!! In Jesus’ precious name we pray. AMEN AND YIPPEE!!!!!”


And me and Reverend Sara we hugged, and hugged, and hugged.


The end.


For now!


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