Sitting here, looking at what once was so vitally important to me, I found myself wondering why it takes the worst life and death can throw at a person before they grow up and realize what truly is important?
My eyes settle upon the vast expanse of sparkling blue encased in rich imported tiles...the pool. So many times have I lain out here, beneath the cerulean sky, basking in the privilege of wealth and prestige...all the while letting the soul within me wither and not die...no, but I did become complacent.
Perhaps that is why the Fates felt it was time to tug on the fabric of my life's design...tweak a strand here, fray another there...until I had no choice but to sit up and take notice that my life had somehow become lost beneath the trappings
of luxury.
Marriage to a wealthy Greek man
had seemed like such a fairy tale in life...and for awhile...it had been...okay, honesty...the euphoric dream had lasted till one minute after the ring was on my finger and I became, not a wife, more a possession to be dragged out like
a cherished trophy when the need called for it, then tucked back away in my gilded cage once more.
Like most Mediterranean men, the moment I assumed his last name, I also assumed the status of the cuckolded wife...not that the husband looked at it that way. In many ways they believed it was a right passed down by the many ancestors they were descendants of. A mistress was their manly right...a SUCCESSION of mistresses, actually.
Were the mistresses serial, or were there several quietly opening their doors and parts I really don't wish to spend time imagining for my husband to warm himself within?
I no longer understand who and what I have become. My body is no longer the image of sensual perfection my husband bought along with my wedding band and this all to idyllic island showpiece.
The sun that I had become so used to radiating the totality of my shell now acted like a laser beam upon my chest and its missing part.
Cancer...the word still made me feel like a part of me was dying. Actually it wasn't dying, it was already dead.
Just this morning I forced my taunting husband to see the gaping flatness, a road map of scars that he did nothing to hide his disgust of. He liked perfection, not some gross facsimile of what HAD been perfect.
Hmmph! Even when I was what he considered perfect, I was not enough. Cancer, made ME grow up and take stock of what truly matters. I want more. I want...a life away from my golden prison.
I am tired of being owned but not wanted. I am nothing more than a possession that he will tenaciously hold on to even though I embarrass and disgust him. He owns me
...or he did.
I have survived having my breast lopped off. I have survived the horrors of
chemo and
radiation. How can I continue to live like this?
Ah but this is the Mediterranean. The Twenty First Century may have hit the calendars, but it hasn't caught up with some of its men, my husband most definitely.
He won't let me go...still can anything he does be worse than beating cancer?
But how do I go about getting my own life? And will all men look upon me as damaged?
God, I know I sold out to get this, but I know better now. Am I too far gone for you to bestow Your Grace upon me and grant me a REAL life?
A shadow stirred me awake. I hadn't even realized the sun had seeped into my bone and muscle so deeply that I COULD sleep, but the shadow moved and my eyes opened.
My heart stopped and then slammed alive again. Was I dreaming? The vision before me could not be real...could he?
Viviane Brentanos, the multi-published author, brings Greece to life like no one else. Living in Greece, loving in Greece and eager to share Her Greece with the rest of us make her stories resplendent in the lush beauty of the Greek Isles.
Fragile Dreams, cover by Shirley Brnett is a must read for any woman who has ever felt the world has changed from the inside out after facing the wavering fingers
of Death's grip. The battle to live against all odds builds new strengths AND makes us look at the world we have plodded along in through new eyes.
Life is precious and can be snapped away in a blink of an eyelash.
How will you live it when you now know JUST how precious and fleeting life can be?
Viviane's website is: http://corfu-author.tripod.com/
Her direct e-mail address is:
Viv4daz@yahoo.com
Fragile Dreams may be purchased by clicking on this direct link...
http://redrosepublishing.com/books/product_info.php?manufacturers_id=13&products_id=836
E-mail Viviane for more information about her writing, her life in
Greece and her upcoming
books. Also ask her about her love of music. This woman knows just about every
musical piece ever created by every artist known to mankind.
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